A high-speed film, this life that runs through its cues without me. It’s an absence no one but me would realize but its very profound-I just don’t know what to do with my mind, my body-I can’t relax, I can’t feel anything but the disorder of my life. I am an unmade bed that is starting to show signs of wear. 

I drove to work today with an unfamiliar sound and it got through and past the wall of chaos that I have been building-you didn’t know I was a carpenter, hell an architect at that, your wondering what the sound was; rain. It’s amazing how a simple sound can bring you back and give a semblance of peace from chaos. 

I woke up somewhat today-even though the process has left me feeling very much like an unmade bed-I’m barely together-it’s like being really drunk and not being able to see if you’ve put the right shoe on the wrong foot-it’s a loss of composure I guess. I feel like I’m coming back to a program already in process and I’ve missed most of the plot-I have an amazing rush of creative ideas but they are like that feeling when you are really hungry but you can’t decide what you want to eat.

You can read this and see the intermittent clarity or lack completely I guess-I’ve cleaned up my office, I put a small light on, it has a feeling as if someone works here-maybe I’ll introduce myself. I came in wet from outside, remember it’s raining, and than my monitor wasn’t working so I decided to clean my office while not being able to get in touch with anyone to help. I found a monitor and when moving the old monitor out of the way I realized the plug that goes into the back of the monitor was not quite pushed in-so now my monitor is working-Incessant sweating, still wet from outside but now I have a clean and ordered desk-the yin is fighting with the yang and I’m not sure who is winning or even who yin or yang is? So now I’m finding a bit of calm to write-shouldn’t be right now but it’s kind of helpful stopping and writing and I’m feeling a touch of control even by the time I am writing this part of a short story that turned into more paragraphs than it deserved.