First of all, teens are teens, they are slowly breaking away from us and that is the truth and the way it is but there are moments when the parent and teen can transcend that feeling of being adversaries and lessons can be learned during the most interesting of times. The only reason I include this piece in the this life creatively is because how we deal and react with what happens often defines who we are and how we live our lives-be it creative, logical, aggravated, peaceful. There are many choices for us and how we live our lives and before I digress any further, I will explain.

I have had a shortage of peace in recent months, probably why my writing has been sparse, I am looking to feel that feeling that transcends understanding and lately I’ve just missed it. I feel often like my life is moving ridiculously fast and I am barely there for the ride, I am drifting with a violent tide that is promising to leave me a broken shell in the surf and I barely feel like I’m even there. So here is where the fish tank comes in-why would someone that is extremely busy and has a shortage of time and money decide to build a fish tank-it offers no logical theory-exit the logic, enter the creative.

My fourteen year old son finds an old thirty long tank in my studio and decides its time to start a fish tank, not only does he clean it out himself but he educates himself on the fish he wants to put in it. Here is another wonderful thing, it is an old passion I’ve had that I have stopped doing and now my fourteen year old not only wants to grow his interest but he wants me involved. We decide how much money it is going to cost and reluctantly I agree, the worth of us having another common activity that we both are passionate about seems like a no brainer and money well spent.

We set up the tank, pretty tank but it’s empty. Enter the helpful aquarium store person that tells us to start with a couple of fish, we reluctantly buy a couple of cichlids, stuff, more stuff and chemical kits to test the water, now my fourteen year old is even learning chemistry because it interests him not because he has to-another benefit. We are both learning more and more about the building of a tank and the fish that we can get for it. The conversation grows, both of our interest grows, my teen is enjoying a hobby and we are both igniting a passion for a childhood interest that I sadly grew out of. He was very stressed as the levels were high and attachment to the couple of fish where making us both feel a bit guilty about introducing them early, lesson learned-fishless cycles are great-patience is a virtue and impulse buys are over rated.

It has taken literally a month of waiting for the cycles to get where they’re supposed to be and this weekend we were finally going to put in fish. It’s probably the cheapest part of our purchase and after exploring for weeks several pet shops in the area, another old passion of mine-we decide to buy our fish at The Fish Gallery, a very amazing place for any aquarium enthusiast to visit. We bought four fish from there and another two fish at the local Petsmart, we got exactly what we wanted and both were excited about finally getting the tank done.

We enjoyed them for a good fifteen minutes, the fish seemed to love the home we made for them, including the holy rock and the plastic plants. They are adapting well with each other and I am excited about a nice nap and being able to paint and relax for the rest of the day. Five minute nap and those words a homeowner never wants to hear-we got a problem.

He comes running out just as my eyes close-we got a problem-the tank is flowing water out over the dresser and onto the rug, we are sunk. We cover the bottom of the tank with towels and decide to buy a new tank-I was easy and calm about the whole affair as we had both talked about our next endeavor being a 100 gallon tank for our living room. We go to the Pet Smart and buy a 55 gallon tank-why bigger you ask-because bigger is better and why not? We earned a bit better of a tank with all the stress, so we bring home a new tank and more sand and we tear down the old tank. Our first step is to stop the panic of the leaking, so we calmly got the fish to safety, eliminated the problem of the leaking tank, we were set to rebuild the tank. It went much quicker than I even imagined and before long, the new tank was on a dresser and we were adjusting the rock again. Unfortunately the tank was too close to the wall which didn’t allow us to put our larger filter in and more importantly, what we thought was a solid dresser was a sagging mess and the tank was taking its toll on the wood.

We drove to the store looking for a solution, I decided right than, a real stand that we can get to finish the job-our patient fish are in a small jug of water and we are both nervous about them dying from the stress. Our first objective-get the water out of the tank-we bought seven five gallon buckets to help with this process-if anyone needs a gently used bucket-well we cleared out the first tank as I had visions of it collapsing by the time we go the stand erected. Both of us learned much about reading instructions as a son and dad usually do when putting something like this together, quickly and with a bit of exhaustion already a factor. We got the stand together and moved the tank-all that careful planning and water adjustments seemed pointless and overdone at this point as we had a murky disheveled tank with PH and nitrites probably all over the place-there was nothing we could do but hope for the best, after hours of fish in a barrel-they are not as fun as monkeys but I digress, the fish lived and at 2 in the morning we turned the lights on to a tank that looked like the thickest fog you’ve ever seen.

This morning-I woke up to a tank that was still recovering but the fish lived and the clarity was improving. I realized something though, with all the exhaustion and stress, I somehow found peace, my son and I both never lost our tempers or snapped at each other, we both taught each other lessons during the whole ordeal and while my expenses were bleeding out I found peace despite the circumstances. We both woke this morning to success and a beautiful tank out of the chaos of the evening before but I realized for that whole time, I was there, I was present, both mentally and physically-we both handled the situation, it didn’t handle us and through the great stress and trying circumstance I found peace, a feeling of accomplishment and a relationship-building circumstance I could not have bargained for. God works in strange ways and often directly to the opposite of what we think should be-it’s how we act and how we handle the daily struggles that finds peace in a stressful place.

Now it’s your turn-family projects?? What have you learned from hobbies with your teens? What was the worst family vacation you ever had? What did you learn from these experiences-did you meet it with logic? Creativity? Aggravation?

Most Recent Portrait

I have been working on Paint Rowlett Plein Air contest and than an image for a gala at the Warwick Melrose Hotel last night-it was a fashion/music/art gathering. As previously mentioned in a prior post-I stepped out of my comfort zone and completed the second portrait of my career. I actually loved the experience because it forced me to pay more attention to details and because the scope of what looked good was greatly reduced as a portrait doesn’t allow a wide latitude of realism.

First Portrait of Son

Another thing I learned is that I love to work with gold leaf-it was something I thought of as a way to heighten the texture of the Russian ttheatre-the name of the painting is a night at the opera. The gold leaf connected details and made the texture of the background become more finished and full of depth. I will definitely incorporate it in the future, including a painting I sketched three Christmas eves ago, it is an image of a rainy evening with people in blues and purples holding umbrellas outside a church, inside the light is warm and red in the decorations for the season and the gold leaf will heighten the intensity of the light inside. This image will be in the new series which although I have digressed, that is what this post is about.

I have finally finished other projects and can now devote my time to the new series. An exciting aspect is the fact that I am coming full circle painting larger canvases, something I used to do more when I was much younger. Just today I have underpainted four paintings and got back to a large canvas of the coast of Florida. I have much better focus in mind, I feel I am closer than I have ever been to the work I am doing probably because these images are all within the last few months instead of years. It is the closest thing to working Plein Air-you capture the image in your mind and than go home to paint while the image is still fresh, with photographs and sketches to support the details necessary to complete  the painting.

Source for Painting-the Forgotten Coast

I have sketched out seven paintings of the Florida coast-specifically, the forgotten coast of the panhandle of Florida. The paintings are all very large-at least thirty inches or so and the light and dark are dramatic. I want the viewer to look out of the darkness into the beauty of the ocean-one painting is a restaurant in afternoon where people are having lunch-you see the ocean but it is framed by the darkness looking out from a dark room, where people are eating. Another image is a storm coming in while terns suspend in the light around you. I have also gone back to an image of San Francisco with people spending the day at the beach. I believe it will be a very varied series with many aspects of water and the evening sky. Two images that I am very excited about but are a bit from the past is a painting of the fountains at the harbor in Rowlett at night with the lights shining through the water and a painting of fish at the surface of the water as I am forty feet down looking up at the moon-again this one is from a long time ago but I’m hoping to capture an amazing deep blue and a surreal feeling of being suspended in the darkness of Shark River Inlet in Belmar New Jersey.

I am really excited about this series and I feel like it perfect where the previous series left off. I finally have a great focus on the finished product and with the new skills I have recently adopted am excited about new paintings. Please stay tuned.

I have always loved nature and the outdoors, it has fueled my creativity and given me peace in the middle of my busy life. Recently, I have had great difficulty stopping and enjoying nature, almost as if that piece of my life has become so distant that I can’t get back to enjoy it and more importantly-I’m not sure how to relax these days.

A friend of mine told me about Youtube sounds that she listens to and I turned off the usual music I listen to and tried the sounds of nature. I started with a waterfall-that was very nice and relaxing but something was missing, I turned on a bird song video and turned the waterfall video down a bit and now I was listening to the waterfall with the birds in the distance. Again, something was missing-I found a video of rain and thunder and suddenly, I was in the forest right before a storm.

I listened to the sounds of a forest as the rain approaches and suddenly I had all these urges to go photograph and get back to nature. I have had several art  events in the last few weeks and as they have now passed, I plan on going out next weekend and finding a waterfall. Just by stopping long enough to listen I realized what I am missing about nature.

I am a graphic designer by day, one of the things I love about my job is the ability to explore new software and design options that often I am completely unfamiliar with. I have a problem saying I don’t know, in that vane I tend to learn as I go.  Recently I have learned to do scripts for Flash, interactive powerpoint and multiple software interfaces which has been just as enjoyable as it is exciting to learn. So why is it that painting tends to be more uncomfortable to step out of my comfort zone? I believe it is the time that is very limited outside of work and the fact that while I am wasting time painting something I am not good at, I could be painting pieces that I do feel comfortable with.

My homage to Gustav Klimt-The Kiss

I believe this is how an artist digs him or herself into a rut. Attacking something that is not in your comfort zone is kind of a reboot on the creative as well as the logical side. Several things that you are forced to do when you step out is try harder than you usually do. The normal short cuts you have adopted over the years of doing the same subject matter are not available. You have to work harder and use more inner discipline to capture what you are not used to creating.

The best out-of-the-comfort zone experience I have probably ever had was creating a painting of the kiss from Gustav Klimt. I have never painted another artists’ painting and the challenge began as a commission but what I learned through the experience really improved my overall creativity and skill as an artist. It was a large image, four foot by three if I remember correctly, I laid the image down on the grass instead of having them sitting up as in the original. The wonderful thing about creating an image like this, there is a right and wrong way. You can’t rely on what you feel your interpretation of the painting is, the client wants the painting to be the kiss or the closest thing to it, not an image you envision. The painting forced me to push myself to be accurate and attempt to capture an essence of the image you are seeking.

Plein Air Art Contest-Koi Pond

The next painting was a painting of my son, he still doesn’t feel I hit the mark but again portraits are not my thing but attempting it is a great way to strengthen my observation techniques and discipline my perception of proportion, light and shadow. In recent, I have added Air painting to my list of experiences-the idea of painting outside in Texas in the Summer is kind of maddening by itself, if the chiggers and mosquitoes don’t kill you there always is heat stroke. Again, the experience taught me to see the images in a spontaneous, immediate perspective. When you paint from memory or from images you have sketched out long ago, there are many details that become less important or overlooked taking a backseat to the overall inspiration, Plein Air changes the whole process, all of the details are still fresh in your mind’s eye and they appear very easily onto the canvas.

A night at the opera

I am in the process of finishing another portrait, this is another image that is a bit out of my standard subject matter. It is called A night at the opera and there is a story that is actually being written in tandem with the painting describing the mystery behind the image, these things tend to create themselves over time so the painting might be done long before the story. This image has forced me to
capture two portraits and architecture as well, it has been very enjoyable learning through this whole experience.

How have you pushed your own creative envelope? How has the experience changed you as an artist and what has it done to your creative process?

It’s been a very busy week. Three paintings in four days, I did choose smaller sizes to make it a bit easier to manage. Again, all I can say is the spontaneity and immediacy of the images were amazing. I enjoyed the fact that the image was so close to the actual inspiration. This first image is of the Big A cemetery in Rowlett-it’s behind a Target and all I can say is that the peaceful presence takes you out of the busy roads of Rowlett.

I wanted to capture two things, first of all, the age-I went back where the oldest stones were. I wanted the viewer to be able to see into the distance freely and yet still not be able to focus on any one place-the perspective is across the right side and again behind the initial stones, I want the viewer to stop for a moment and feel a bit of that chill of an unseen presence and yet also realize a divine light that glistens among the old stones.

The next sketch was of a Koi Pond in a nearby residence, we had permission to paint it but I must admit I still felt like I was trespassing. I actually plan on enlarging this image as the initial image was focusing on the bird of paradise plants in the foreground but concentrating on dragonflies that buzzed around the pool and landed on the plants in the foreground, the size of this painting is quite small and although intimate the dragonflies would have been distracting to the overall effect. I do plan on expanding on this image though and will post the image as I finish.

The final painting was of a landscape I am quite familiar with, Lake Ray Hubbard and more specifically Paddle Point-this is another painting that changed from its initial direction. Originally I wanted to focus on the ducks and egrets in the foreground. I created this image with lots of darks in the foreground and the sky and felt although it made the like shine it didn’t accurately capture the feeling of water and the look of the sky. I overlayed lighter blues over the darks and made the water look more like water, in the end the ducks seemed to be more of a distraction. It’s funny how you lose your point of interest sometimes, something is working and you just go with it, it is not until you fully study it again before you realize it was all wrong. I am now continually questioning my initial thought on a particular piece and reassessing during the process instead of afterward.

The show will be at the Rowlett Library on Main Street in Rowlett, Texas-an awards ceremony will be held on Thursday September 5th and the pieces will stay on display for a week I believe. I am excited about working more plein air in the near future and already planning my next images. I didn’t realize these images were so close to my home.

I joined an art contest with the Artist Round of Rowlett-paint Rowlett. The contest has an element of painting on the scene and I don’t think I have ever enjoyed the experience as much. I have made sketches, painted basic shapes and colors and with photography I will continue in the studio perfecting the images. The exciting thing about the process is how fast and immediate the image and expression is.

Continuing on the recent change in the way I work compositions- I have never been more clear and focused on the finished product. I have started three paintings and they are all so on the spot that I feel I have captured the initial feeling that attracted me to the scene. I also figured out very quickly what in each scene I was going to focus on in capturing or saying something specific in each scene.

The first image is of a cemetery, it’s the first time I actually painted a cemetery which is odd because the peaceful and yet surreal feeling of being alone in a cemetery would lend itself to some of the images I paint. In this scene I concentrated on a shaft of light that back lit the stones and lit up the trees around the cemetery. I want the viewer to be able to look into infinity beyond the stones, almost a statement of the feeling of eternity. I want the viewer to get lost in the light and shadows of the trees allowing them to concentrate on the elements that surround the stones and perhaps get that peaceful yet haunted feeling I get when walking in a cemetery.

The next image I was very excited about because it is a Koi pond and I was hoping to capture the feeling of the cold depths of the pond but instead a certain bird of paradise plant and a gathering of dragonflies created the scene. The scene will actually be a portrait of the plant with the light and shadows of the Koi pond in the background-a bridge brings you into the distance but the image is becoming more intimate. I want the viewer to feel as if they are sitting by a pond in the late afternoon without the mosquitoes and high humidity.

The final image is more in line with my normal images with a twist. I captured an image of Paddle Point on Miller Road-Again my first instinct was just the water but after seeing how the light created the scene, i decided the water would be more of a backdrop to the intense light that was dancing on the water and made the surface look like diamonds. I intend on adding ducks and some egrets as they were all around but they will add to the feeling of depth and give the lake a bit of space and time.

I am excited about the under paintings and will show the finals as they get more progressed.
Have you ever painted outdoors and how did it change the way you painted? Were you overwhelmed by the details or inspired by the spontaneity?

No really, what can I say-it is a writer’s worst nightmare when there is nothing there. We write
because we enjoy writing but more important I have always thought, we write to learn more about ourselves and the world we live in. Writing allows us to decipher our feelings and the state of who we are at any specific time, we allow our subconscious the ability to explore and redefine our thoughts and how we relate to society and those around us we call friends or acquaintances.

So what does a writer or poet for that matter do when there is nothing evidently up there to explore or decipher? I believe that this point for the creative person is actually the opposite of what it seems, there is too much to decipher and too much to explore and the brain has not yet processed or perfected the work of poetry or prose. I have always thought we go through points of growth, thought fermentation and finally creative explosions-each are dependent upon our experiences and how we change and grow as creative people.

When poems or writing finally comes out it seems to flow as if it were already written and it just needed hands without second guessing their processes. I believe the ferment process is probably one of the longest points of the creative process-for me, images, thoughts, emotions are quickly recorded on a daily and often constant basis-these thoughts and feelings attach to images that I see and experience every day. Slowly the words and thoughts attach to symbols in images as well as abstract connections to pictures that don’t even necessarily make logical sense.

Once the process of fermentation occurs, the words are pretty much formed and the poem is already written in memory. When the emotion or time lends itself, words come out eerily natural as if they had been formed long before they were written. All of the images that I see over that period of time become parts of different pieces of my writing without trying or questioning rhyme or flow. This process is called the trial web shift-this is a technique I have previously read about where you draw clusters of words and the poem or writing forms from that process, I have learned that my clustering seems to be done during the fermenting process and without actually drawing those words and clusters the connections are formed through time and experience intangibly.

One aspect of the feeling of the creative explosion for me is the lack of realization of any of the words I am writing-all of the words form quickly and I feel almost in a state of auto-pilot. The fingers type as if the work is being copied from somewhere but the state of creation is so hard to articulate because it is almost like being in a trance. After, usually fifteen or so poems, the words become slower to form and the conscious starts to be cognitive of logic and word choice and for me the flow is broken.

I have recently, unfortunately been in a growth period, following a state of a writers’ block that has been as overwhelming as it was depressing-The inability to write is like having so many thoughts and feelings in memory you can’t concentrate on the conscious state-this is not often conducive to having a normal busy life. So here we are again-ready to write on the other side of a seemingly hopeless block-hopefully the words will flow freely from here on-at least for a while.

What do you do to break a writer’s block and have you had that state of absence during the creative experience.

We went to Texoma again and I attempted a different option-less fishing rods and tools,  less
frustration and much more relaxing. The stripers were breaking the water again and my son did really
well, me not so much but I did get to relax. I decided to intentionally take a break and just enjoy being
on the water.

The waves were a bit intimidating, the wind kept messing up the surface and sending white caps
against our hulls. We stayed in a small cove and fished for a while until the wind got so strong we
were being pushed into shore. The satin grey waves reflected an intermittent cloudy horizon mixed
with a beautiful cerulean sky. There is something amazing about drifting with over the waves and the
cool breeze was a welcome change from the oppressive summer heat.

So my suggestions on how to change the feeling of stress and frustration to a peaceful beautiful day
on the water. First of all, don’t bring too many rods and too much equipment out on the kayak, try to
be a bit less complicated. Second, the stuff you do bring out, make sure it is in some sort of organized
state. Don’t use fishing line that tangles frequently-there is a certain type of line I don’t think I’ll be
using any more. Finally, bring snacks in an air tight box and keep nourished and hydrated. Doing all
of these things made a much more relaxing trip even though I didn’t catch any, it was a great day.

For more travel posts-Freedom to Roadtrip

Art Meets Poetry and Vice Versa | Artiscape Magazine

I was raised catholic, something that is somewhat synonymous with guilt and conscience, granted I think it was more filled with guilt and a sense of “never good enough” the generation before mine but I do get the idea of never quite measuring up as that perfect squeaky clean believer. This is not a review or commentary on the particulars of religion so before you close the page, feel at ease. This is a post about guilt and conscience-the good, the bad and the ugly.

As a basic idea guilt is something I feel is our morality compass, it tells us when we are straying or not doing what we feel is right or honest. Guilt can and has become something that gets under our skin when we feel guilty about not getting enough for our families for holidays or felt like we didn’t handle something the way we should have-this kind of guilt tends to cause our neurotic tendencies where we are always on the fence with what’s right or wrong and there are always family members that feed whether right or wrong into our guilt complexes we develop over the years. Guilt is pointless if we can’t do anything about what we are guilty about, there is a certain point where we need to leave that guilt behind and move on.

What I am writing about is the good guilt-the good guilt that these days has been painted over with rationalization and the old excuse life is too short. Guilt keeps us from doing what we shouldn’t do, regardless if it feels good or it’s not my fault. I believe there is right and there is wrong and unfortunately if you rationalize everything and justify everything you do, guilt takes a back seat to rationalization. I recently heard a commercial about a show about mistresses and the introduction was about it being a personal journey of discovery-your not cheating, your just discovering yourself-how quickly something wrong becomes something almost heroic. Another option-life is too short to put your kids first, you need to enjoy your life-you deserve it. All of these rationalizations allow good people to stray from what they think is wrong to justify anything that feels good.

I talked with a friend recently about woman and men being friends-I believe they can be friends but there needs to be a sense of respect and honoring each other first-with respect and sense of honor it keeps the relationship from going somewhere that would not be positive or right for either. This brings me to another aspect that we as a society have somehow lost-a sense of the acting exceptionally-we see this in our politicians and with a bit of tears and an apology they are back in politics. Shouldn’t we expect the highest standards of morals from each other and our politicians. We should but when we rationalize everything and make everything gray, there really isn’t nothing right or wrong-it has to do with what you feel at any given moment.

Before you think I am being sanctimonious, I am not standing in judgement of anyone, nor do I think any of us have that great position to judge others because we all have our character problems. What I am saying is that guilt is not such a bad thing and rationalization and justification is a  slippery slope. I feel like these days being empowered, we are empowered to do what we want because life is short. I think a little bit more guilt and a bit more expectation of a higher standard of moral character would go a long way in our society today where we are desperately trying to remove all expectations from our kids, our politicians and our society. There is right, there is wrong-guilt is the compass that keeps us on a path we can be proud to share with our kids and their kids so maybe we’ll have to apologize less.