This is a view from Lake Daingerfield, it looks as if it could be in some north woods lake with the tall pines, the extremely clear blue water and what we were fishing for-chain pickerel-something I’m used to fishing for up north but not in Texas. Another thing that reminded me of the northern woods is that the it was cold, really cold and I tend to be cold natured so that’s saying something.

Lake Daingerfield is an intimate lake-if it weren’t so cold you might call it cozy. Small enough to kayak to each end but large enough to feel like your the only one around for miles. A place like this just forces you to relax, the silence as the sun goes down, the sounds of nature, if not for my tangled mess of line it would have been absolutely blissful. I have greatly improved and feel confident and comfortable on the kayak but there are times when I am obviously clumsy and like a fish out of water, been a while since I”ve seen one of them but still that’s another story.

I tend to go off on my own, kind of get lost in nature and maybe because of the tangled line that bring out my colorful language, it’s better for everyone. It still takes me some time to get settled in, even a place like this, my stress level must be higher or my clumsiness more pronounced on the kayak but it just seems like the first few minutes of being on the water usually finds me aggravated and fighting with my gear.

Out across the lake I finally find my peace, every view around me is a different aspect of tall pines being lit by the last bit of sun and beyond the tall trees I can see what looks like a fire-it’s the sunset sky and it’s colors stream across the lake which is clear and still as a perfect mirror. I love how the colors deepen as the sun gets to the perfect angle in the sky-the electric hour. I think it is because it’s such a small lake but there is a strong smell of the earth on this lake, like the smell in a forest after it rains. There are no other people around the lake and no sign of trash or loud motors to disrupt the sense of calm-the fact that it is in the middle of January and its really cold probably lends itself well to the lack of people but still I enjoy the escape from Dallas.

No fish, nothing following the lure in and not a single bite, but my son caught one and had several chase it in. There is hope for good winter fishing on this lake and I’m sure we’ll be back soon, I’m eager to go on the many trails that surround the lake, the tall trees as you come into the park is such a welcome sight and creates the atmosphere of Lake Daingerfield-it has been closed for quite a while and I’m not sure how it was previously but it is a beautiful well tended park.

Again, did I mention it was cold-when we got back to shore, getting out of the kayak is wet and you really get to feel what fifty something degree water feels like. I will definitely be investing in a dry suit soon as getting in and out are getting more difficult as the winter makes its presence
known.

There are several lakes in the area that I am eager to explore-Hawkins, Caddo-I’ve been there before but never with the kayak, lake o the pines, All of these lakes have chain pickerel which means we can continue to fish into the winter months. Next year I will plan on having a better camera to actually photograph better view of the places, this is kind of a work in progress. Well enough for now-Can’t wait to get out and explore some more-take every chance you get to get out there-it’s one great way to feel freedom and to learn new things-so get out and explore…….

For the Funeral Order the black cars The host lies in state Order the flowers He’s awake The vantage point From the ceiling The smell of sadness like a flavor The empty shadowed room No voices could fill anything but the sound In the empty spaces in the walls Morning falls Like a weight on shoulders broken and spent Wondering where hours went The waiting-the glass suspended on the edge of the table Clumsy fingers of children Hushed parental cues The vantage point around the fireplace Watching the dressing room Finished getting ready The widow puts her makeup on Black is the color of daylight Shines through the window Like a sickness I don’t understand the words you speak The priest Smiles Ensures peace And silently Walks in the room The director slinks out like a serpent A sad reckless play-where no one will remark On the substance or how well the lines were delivered The host is sainted No one asks the question Where No one would dare Order the room The cash bleeding out of the home Read the will Get your fill of the darkness As it leaves With the mourners And left alone, we are fragile China In the kitchen We are broken dirty dishes In the sink A final drink before sleeping We are awake We are staring at the ceiling And the host lies in the ground No sounds Only an empty shell Even now winding down The slow earth, the careful shovel The indifferent ground Staring at the ceiling the widow cries And a hand from the ceiling a bleeding sky Touches the face With the spring breeze It’s only epitaph Remember me………

March 2011 Spring Break

For this spring break we wanted to explore Arkansas, I have always wanted to go to Mountain Home and fish on the white river, I had also been to Petit Jean several years previously and was interested in visiting again. My son, Matthew is getting more savy with his navigation skills so he pretty much mapped out the trip as we went along.

We stopped and did a bit of fishing at Degray Lake but didn’t catch anything-it was a cold gray day but we were both in the mood for a long drive. We would go out across the state and drive straight up to Petit Jean which would be the first place we would stay over night.

Our first destination was Crater of Diamond State Park, although we weren’t quite prepared to get filthy and didn’t have the tools it was still fun. We rented some shovels and tools and took our place along the dried up river area. We found lots of rocks and interesting things and visited the gift shop but no diamonds-not even my son who is so lucky at finding things-we will definitely returned more prepared next time.

We drove from Crater of Diamonds to Petit Jean State park. When we arrived it had just started to storm and it was beautiful backdrop to a wonderful night sleep. The thunder echoed across the cavern in front of the cabin-I was excited to see the surroundings and by morning I was not disappointed. You look out the back door of the cabin and there is a deep cavern surrounded by moss and lichen covered rocks, the other side of the canyon was almost completely obscured by early morning fog which heightened the atmoshpere. That first step off the back yard is a ridiculous drop off-very scenic and very cold that March morning. There are cedar and pine trees all around you and the fauna is quite different than much of the Texas parks, I was enthused about going to see the falls which is a moderately short walk down the canyon to end up directly beneath the falls.

The way down was wonderful and the excitement of both of us made the trek pretty effortless. Going up was another matter as I felt my age. I kept up with my son and very quickly climbed what felt like straight up the wall and the views were amazing-just needed a bit more oxygen. Let’s just say we did it too quickly and I’m not twelve anymore. The falls were well worth the hike, the water beneath the falls is very cold and clear, there are large rocks that we climbed and he got closer and into areas that seemed a bit dangerous but we made it back in one piece. I have done a painting of the falls and it will be out on the website in the next month or so. There is a lot of history about the park and we hiked a lot around the falls and through trails in the park. It is a beautiful place to visit.

Our next place to stay was Rocky Hollow Lodge near Bull Shoals Lake. My first intention was to get a boat for the day but it was really windy and cold and that idea quickly faded. We did fish near the lodge and around the area with no luck but I was determined to get him on some trout. That night we ate dinner at Gastons-even if the food was not as amazing as it was the scenery would make it worth the visit. You sit at the window and look out over the White River while raccoons walk along the deck outside the window, it really gives you that wilderness feel but your in an upscale very elegant restraunt. The food was amazing as well and lots of fishing enthusiasts to share great conversation with. It was worth the price tag of dinner and a very memorable experience.

The next day I booked a fishing guide for trout on the white river. My son caught the largest and the most and he had to ease up on his bass technique he was used to. He ended up with a large brown-I can’t remember the guide service or I would include it now because they were great people to go out with. This is the problem with writing about a trip after the fact-as I get more trips uploaded they will get a bit better in details and specifics.

All around the area are many areas to fish for trout and we did well with small trout from some of the bridges in the area. My son is still quite partial to bass but I think he enjoyed the trout as a change of pace. The scenery of the Norfolk and White rivers is so worth the drive and we will definitely go back.

The first Cavern we got to see is the Blanchard Springs Cavern, there are two distinct rooms-an upper and lower chamber, each have their own kind of formations including massive flowstones, delicate soda straws and stalagmites and stalagtites. We also enjoyed seeing the cave salamanders and crickets. Its a very large area-one room, the Cathedral Room is the as long as three football fields. The guides were very informative and answered all the questions we had.

The last day of our trip would be our caving tour, we ended up staying close to Branson Missouri in a small town that was perfect for us to just relax and do nothing for a night. It’s hard sometimes to feel like there is no activity plan but on these trips that’s often the only time you get to rest and recoup from the climbing, hiking and fishing.

The next day we got up early and travelled to several caverns in the area, Mystic Caverns and Cosmic Caverns– I loved the guide for the mystic cavern, she had a great sense of humor and was quite knowlegable, the amazing thing about the cave was the overwhelming flowstones-they dwarfed all of us and the flow of the path down into the cave was very steep and dramatic. The highlight of Cosmic Cavern was the bottomless cave lakes with blind trout-the green color you can see of the lakes are just amazing. There is also a record soda straw that measures nine foot long. It was the last cave of the day and we both enjoyed the tour although both of us were about worn out.

The rest of the trip was driving through the mountains of Arkansas-a long drive home but an incredible trip with my son. The next trip we planned is a trip to the Florida Keys-this trip is a family affair where my whole family goes for fourteen days. Stay tuned for more pix and more daytripping.

The Inspiration

 Untitled

The Muse

 So explain to me, where do these images and words come from

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August 2010-Late Summer Trip

It was the end of the summer and I wanted my son to get to the coast for fishing so I decided to plan another one of our circle trips centered around fishing on the coast. It was a great expansion from our previous shorter trip to the Hill Country. Half of the fun-okay maybe not half but a good portion of the enjoyment I have is searching the web for places to go and explore. I use Google Maps a lot, I plug in caverns or zoos and it gives me a bunch of plugs where the destinations are in close proximity to where I plan on traveling.

Our first destination was the Cameron Park Zoo, a zoo I can’t believe I hadn’t visited yet as I went to school in Waco Texas, in that time I enjoyed Lake Waco, the mall but never the Cameron Zoo. The first thing that struck me about the zoo was the fact that this city park zoo seemed like you had departed from Waco, it is situated on the Brazos River which gives a relatively small zoo a large feel. There are river settings filled with fish and turtles, deep lush vegetation that makes you feel you have left waco for some jungle destination. We spent more time looking at the fish and the water areas than any one animal-okay maybe the komodo dragon also got much of our attention but it was the lush scenery that really struck me about this zoo. I also liked the way the zoo broke areas out- the South American exhibit, the Asian forest-it seemed more intimate as well and we saw many animals do things we normally didn’t see in other zoos. An elephant, very close to the fence washed itself in the water and even shared a bit with us onlookers. It seems every zoo we go to there are different experiences or things you remember. This zoo made you feel like you were up close and personal with many of the animals without feeling like you needed to run.

The next place we went to was San Antonio-we stayed in a really nice hotel that seemed like it typified the spanish feel of the San Antonio area. It was the Riverwalk Inn and it did not disappoint. On going into the hotel my son found a brochure for ghost hunting the Alamo and this is how the wild card destination came to be-I said why not and soon was calling the local ghost tour company. We had hours before sunset which is when the tour began so we went on the riverwalk. There is a freedom to not having a car and just walking to where ever you need to go and that’s what we did. We walked along the river looking for a place to eat. The atmosphere of the riverwalk is so exciting and there is such a social feel to it all. After eating at a steak house right on the river we walked along the street and stumbled upon Ripleys’ Believe it or Not, it was a bit pricey but well worth it and one of our highlights of the trip.

Just about sunset we met our tour group. We were able to walk the streets of San Antonio and learned about the local history and took readings along the way with various meters we took with us. We didn’t see any ghosts but got many interesting tidbits of information and visited the Alamo which was very interesting.

The next day we visited the  San Antonio Zoo, we both had been there before without the other but this time we were able to share it together and that made all the difference. It was a nice sized zoo with all your favorites-lions and tigers and bears-oh my-Dorothy never showed up-but I digress. The butterfly exhibit was amazing-giant butterflies with owl eyes on their wings and flash of amazing cerulean that no artist would attempt to imitate. My son really enjoyed taunting the monkeys-I frowned on the process but he insisted on looking them in the eye. There was a flamingo area that was amazing-the scenery and the way they lay out the scene-you don’t feel like you are in Texas for sure. We both really enjoyed the reptiles and amphibian exhibit.

On the way down to the coast we went to the Cascade Caverns just outside of the city. A bit out of the way on our trip but so worth it. I would say it was one of the more wild caves-there were Eastern Pipstrelle bats, Cascade cavern salamanders, Cave Crickets, and leopard frogs, we saw all the wildlife but unfortunately the waterfall wasn’t present at the time. We met some great people and enjoyed the cool atmosphere in the cave. It was one of our favorite caverns because of the wildlife and how alive everything seemed, from the running water to the bats so close you could touch them-but don’t. Another interesting aspect of the cavern was the Mastodon bones, Sabertooth cat and bison as well as indian artifacts-lots to explore. They have an up close and personal tour both of us want to take one of these days but didn’t this time.

After enjoying the trip to the cavern it was off to the coast, both of us were eager to see the ocean and get some seafood. The ride was long but enjoyable as the coast got closer and closer with every mile.
We stayed at the Lighthouse Inn, it was a beautiful stately looking place. It felt like we were really soaking up the coastal feel and I would highly recommend both the amenities and the atmosphere. The staff was very friend and accommedating as well. Close to the Inn was the Copano fishing Pier where we fought with the many dolphins for the small but plentiful speckled trout and the wild jumping ladyfish. We stayed there into the evening and enjoyed great success on light tackle-well lit and overall a very comfortable relaxed setting. The next day we fished at Goose Island State Park-we didn’t catch much but my son enjoyed looking for crabs and exploring the pier. There was a conservation film going on at the time so it was interesting to talk with them.

I had planned the whole trip around the fishing guide that we were going to hire for redfish and specks, weeks before I had looked for places to stay in Rockport Texas and guides that I could go out that were not ridiculously priced and seemed to have a personal approach to getting out and fishing. It’s extremely hard to decipher as there are so many out there-I can tell by the voice and how quickly they respond and how excited they are about bringing you and your son out fishing, it’s still a crapshoot but we got lucky.

I chose Lanny Phillips at Tigernet fishing guide service, we were not disappointed. He was a fireman and a previous baseball player for the Boston Red Sox and the Brewers. There is never a shortage of stories and he was very helpful in explaining fishing and all he knew to my son who was just starting to get into fishing. We had a long process of waiting at first and in that time we had a very enjoyable conversation from firefighting to baseball playing and all his time fishing. It was so interesting and my son really loved the discussions we had. My son caught a keeper speckled trout, a hammerhead shark and a batfish-a very strange looking fish.

Than as promised, he found them and we were into reds, for the next 40 minutes or so we were fighting redfish. Lanny passed rods between both of us and did all the legwork to make sure each of us had only to worry about catching fish, as soon as I had one one and Lanny landed it, my son had another on and was fighting it. The sound of the screaming drag and the excitement of all of us was intoxicating. It was an amazing experience and well worth waiting for. When we got into the dock after limiting out, our fish were cleaned and prepared for us to take on a long trip back to Dallas. I would highly recommend looking Lanny up as we will in the future.

On the way back to Dallas we found one more zoo to check out-it was the Texas Zoo. A bit out of the way and small but still interesting to explore. Great zoo for young kids as are there is a dig site, a reptile house and a conversation caboose as well as an education center. Kids can also feed the fish and turtles, it’s a nice family friendly place to visit.

Our second circle trip was a great success and we were already talking about our next place to explore-the scope of driving and the availability of funds and an ever expanding base of interest was motivating us for the next great trip out there. We decided on a trip to Arkansas-caverns and trout fishing-stay tuned.

March 2009-Spring Break

My son and I are perfecting our traveling-what can you do in a short period of time and a short amount of money-go out there and explore, until you have enough money and enough time to really explore. I have a growing bucket list that includes everything from the Polar bears in Churchill bay to the great white sharks in Australia and everything in between. We have just in the last four years started doing trips where the main focus is whatever is available at the time to explore-go, explore, find-the memories we have been collecting is worth every bit of time and money we have invested.

My first trip, what I call a circle trip was from Dallas to San Diego and back-one of my main focuses was probably Yosemite but learned if you go on a vacation-enjoy everything as much as you can but don’t sweat the small stuff and don’t spend too much or expect too much in any one place. Three years ago we were supposed to go on a vacation to Wisconsin as a family trip with his cousins but a stomach bug changed our plans. I promised if he was feeling better we would still do a trip-just not quite as spectacular as Wisconsin but we would make it fun. Recently I had been searching the web about places to go that would suit our interests-fishing, hiking, zoos, art, ghosts, caverns-okay really anything-we have pretty diverse interests.

The first opportunity that I had found was a ranch near the hill country-a place to pan for topaz-it seemed an interesting idea to try so that was on my mind in beginning the trip-the rest was up to chance and to what we would find on the road. My first task, while my son nursed his stomach-I gave him ginger ale and a great place to rest and I began planning the trip. I tend to be a narcoleptic on the road so the idea of going on a long distance drive where I was in complete charge of driving was a bit nerve racking but I didn’t let him know how uncomfortable I was with the situation. I found several caverns and a few zoos to go and explore and in the next two days-just as I felt a bit of the same bug he had-it was time to go and explore. I almost felt like he had called my bluff-let’s go and I was as nervous as I was excited.

The first destination was to be Inner Space Caverns on I35 in Georgetown, Texas- it would be the furthest and first on our tour. I remember getting there in the afternoon and we had to wait for the next tour-it was such a relaxing feeling as we had no plans and five days to get back to Dallas. I had never felt so liberated-we were open to whatever options came our way and we were ready to explore whatever we could find. Inner Space Caverns was as amazing as they said it was-beautiful displays of stalactites and stalagmites, bats, lots to learn and explore. We talked to people along the way and they seemed impressed with our idea of just exploring for five days without any concrete plans to hamper our freedom.

Next place we visited was the Austin Zoo– a small zoo in Austin that had as much personality as it did animals-okay maybe a bit more personality-it was fun and cozy, very family oriented. We enjoyed the cougars and it was an easy zoo to just walk around and enjoy the atmosphere. The people that tended the zoo were very friendly and could tell their animals were their passion.

I visited a few plant places along the way as I was in the process of building a wildlife garden and the garden areas had unique stuff that I didn’t see in Dallas. I also got to enjoy some of the local color and personalities, my son just hung out in the car and didn’t support my passion for gardening-can’t share everything I guess. Next on our trip was Pedernales Falls-a wonderful place that we explored-deep blue green water and cliffs and rocks-we were amazed and I plan on one day painting from the sketches I brought home. They even have a bird blind which was very cool, my son put up with me but I think he liked it to-again, you can’t share everything I guess.

Next we went to Boerne, we were surrounded by a landscape that seemed as if it were getting ready to go up in flames, there were road side fires as it was a very dry time of year. In between naps-he let me know that the ride was a bit unnerving. We arrived at Cave Without A Name-too late for the last tour.
One of the guides was gracious enough to take us out solo. It turned out to be the best and still is the best, at the time of this writing, we had ever gone to. It starts with a giant drop to the bottom with amazing columns and stalactites, at the bottom of the cave you are in a huge room that is just filled with wonder.

In the rest of the day we visited areas like Inks Lake-would like to go back and actually explore it-more like a drive by and drove through all different familiar towns that I have heard about in various country songs. We stayed in Fredericksburg, I splurged on an upstairs suite that was meant for a family-we were both impressed with the more than adequate amenities. We got to walk the streets at night, I bought a bottle of wine from a local winery and ate at a touristy dining establishment that offered local brewed beers and served wonderful German food.

The next day, it was off to Mason-we panned for topaz on a local ranch. The owner of the ranch was quite a character, right out of Texas Folklore-a tall gaunt gentlemen with quite a bit of stories to tell and very interesting to talk with. I found nothing-in my youth I was very patient and could get down and dirty and find rocks but now I watched my son. He was the only one that got any  topaz and they were pretty nice pieces, we were both very excited about finding even worthless topaz-it was worth much to us.

Another cavern in the hill country really worth seeing is the longhorn caverns. It’s a different look than Innerspace-it’s rock is chalky white and the rooms are long and a tight squeeze, its a river formed cavern and you can see where the river carved through the walls creating very unique shapes and features. It is rumored that it is haunted, our experience, the lights went out in the cavern, no one noticed but the guide said it often happens and we all laughed about the possibility that we experienced a bit of the ghostly activity.

On the way back to Dallas, we stopped near some roadside fossil place and asked where we could find our own. It was near Dinosaur Valley-we also visited the gift shop but didn’t actually go in the park. We walked in a stream looking for the fossils and found few but what we did find were bass, we got our fishing rods out and my son caught his first large mouth and I caught one as well-it was a great end to a wonderful trip and it inspired me to start planning for the next trip, we were both hooked.

Next trip-San Antonio and down to the coast-the trip gets bigger and more detailed as our confidence grows and I get better at planning for more places to go in a short period of time. Stay tuned-if you liked the story, please let me know. If you didn’t like it or have any comments, suggestions or criticisms-please let me know-this is a work in progress.

Pushing Paint

For the longest time I used to paint from memory, than from photos, and than from just bits of photos and yesterday in an afternoon of painting I experienced several shifts of thought and realized very distinct differences in painting and the feeling you have when you are deeply involved in a painting.
I think teaching painting has very much pushed me to not be happy with the idea of pushing paint around, the feeling is very enjoyable if not frustrating which depends on your place and mood.

I have several waterfalls started-one of Petit Jean in Arkansas which has been pending for about a good two years and another of Turner Falls in Oklahoma-you notice a trend here-waterfalls. I don’t want to paint another landscape that is as good, even closely to anything I have previously created, I want the water to be so clear and so crystal the viewers get at least a cold feeling or even barely the feeling they get sitting in front of a waterfall. I want the viewer to look for the movement and clarity and try to find the key to how the painting has captured that feeling so well-this is a tall order for a painter but something that I believe is a process that has showed me the place where painting from memory can only fail. The simplest things we don’t notice are the reasons why we see a waterfall and feel things in a landscape-these small details are the first things we lose in a painting from memory.

Here is the experience that I noticed first hand. Usually I start painting with the idea that I have a short time to do as much work as I can get done and I must feel whatever painting I decide to start. If I am in the mood for a cold winter scene, I have a hard time painting a sunny landscape. If I am extremely detail oriented, I will chose to paint something that has lots of details I can get lost in and not  a water scene that begs for less detail and more quick responses to atmosphere and image. I have always said the less you put into t a water scene the better because the details are often in what you don’t see or barely see rather than the great use of details.  I have a rose painting that people have remarked about the droplets-it’s the simplicity and lack of paint that actually captured the droplets-this image was actually created from life which brings me to the next idea and supports the idea that memory often fails us. When we try to capture something beautiful and simple our memory tends to overdo the image-we fill in the gaps with details and ruin the fresh simplicity which will make the image what the viewer has a dilemma and begs the question-how did he or she do that?

I painted the Petit Jean image and departed from the original idea that escaped me and made me push paint back and forth for the last six months, granted in overlapping the strokes of paint the skeleton image beneath was actually necessary and made the overlapped detail work but at the time it seemed tedious at best-ask my student about painting rocks-notice the second painting she did was void of details-that says a lot. So suddenly after looking at a photograph the image came together and suddenly every stroke was called for-I knew where the paint went and what color went where because it made sense and the photograph although missing much information allowed me the direction to support whatever memories failed me.

After having a great flow of work with the one painting I switched to a commission I am working on from a photograph, the image is very detailed but extremely well positioned and thought out. The lines are clean, the execution is almost without surprise-which is the drawback of painting from a photograph where the knowledge of the scene increases the quality of the image being captured, much of the surprises and mistakes that occur from memory are lost. Much of the freedom of stroke and movement are somewhat toned down-there are drawbacks to both. After a very successful time painting this painting I switched to a portrait for all of a second or two but I just wasn’t in the detail oriented mode and feared ruining what I started. So on to the Turner Falls image-painting from memory and some poor pix-I felt like I did more harm than good-the colors muddied quickly, the depth and clarity of the water turned more into a bunch of lines and colors that just didnt’ capture any depth, coldness or clarity of the water-I was pushing paint again.

I quickly got off before I did too much damage and worked on an ocean scene that has gone through many changes in form and focus-it’s kind of a wild card but here is the fun of painting from memory-freedom-almost working in an abstract feeling-enjoying the movement in lines, the change of form and colors-I created an ocean scene but nothing in the scene was clear as a wave or a rock, even the boat was somewhat an afterthought. The only success I felt I had achieved was a great depth of the painting, a change in the light and movement and it was a really free enjoyable process-I will in the future look at an ocean scene to capture some of the intangible details that I feel I missed in the execution. It is just funny how the brain reacts to different processes of painting and different needs are achieved by different approaches we take to capturing realism/impressionism/expressionism., which brings me to the new year and the new process I am excited to embark on-Plein Air- I plan on painting outside from life more often and I’m excited to see the change of works and how the eye and brain depicts realism from life instead of photographs or memory.

Christmas Miracles (2012) Part 2

Here we are, Christmas 2012-again miracles are more than the giant, earth shattering stuff we save the word for, what’s more important and common than the great miracles we leave for God and his awesomeness-it’s the subtleties of miracles we experience more than we are aware-we just might not see them as miracles or celebrate them quite the same.

This year-I waited again too long to start shopping-November was a rough, busy, expensive month and I just couldn’t get to Christmas until Santa was practically running across my roof. I scrambled as I always do but this year-the expenses, the time, the thought and the feeling seemed to stretch as long as it needed to. I was able to get everything done and the time and the money seemed to appear out of nowhere-I stayed on budget-first time in my lifetime of insisting I would stay on budget. So where are the miracles-again-it’s the subtleties and the quiet presence that you get when a moment that should be stressful and irritating becomes peaceful and full of calm.

 I felt like I was able to get everything I needed and in the time I had did not get as stressed as I would normally feel appropriate. My son was able to buy everything he wanted for his Christmas-my mom was not in the hospital and her being home made Christmas great without any of the seasonal requirements. Halloween and even Thanksgiving kind of slipped by us-we usually decorate the house and go to haunted houses in October but in our defense we did kayak often in October. Christmas was on my door-My youngest son and I were able to decorate the house-something we always  plan to do but never get the chance or just go through the motion, my son actually designed the whole thing and I was happy to watch it come together as a donor to the cause instead of the architect. My oldest son and my youngest went and picked out a tree in the country and cut it down-a tradition I have started, ended and started once again. We probably chose one of the best trees we ever have and I really blame that on my two sons-they have a good eye for this-I think I would have probably picked the Charlie Brown Tree being more of a lover of trees and nature rather than the perfect shaped tree. We went to a tree farm in Caddo Mills-4 CeeSons Christmas Tree Farm. The trees were beautiful and extremely affordable but it was the people that really struck me. They treated us with trust and genuine Christmas cheer-we drank apple cider and talked about their business and family. I will definitely be back next year, more important than anything was I had both my sons together and we picked the perfect tree and still had enough money for Christmas-pretty amazing. Again it’s the feeling of family of your two sons picking out a tree together-we could have been in Colorado or even back home in NJ for all I was concerned, it felt like the holiday. We forgot the saw though-just kidding-Christmas Vacation-imagine  a tree on the roof with the root still intact-but I digress.

My youngest and I went to the Galleria, decorated the tree, the house, I got the feeling of Christmas without the need to feel it or to perfect it-it came and overwhelmed all of us-it could have been simply the lack of hospital and surgery this year as opposed to the previous but the spirit just seemed to permeate the holiday. We had an amazing dinner with the whole family and we genuinely enjoyed every bit of it. I bought just what I needed, I believe-not too much, not too little. We enjoyed a perfect candlelight service in Wylie and a catholic service in Richardson, there was peace, love and family-this is the miracle of Christmas-when we all stop for a moment and appreciate the gifts and miracles we all tend to take for granted, when we realize the best miracles are the ones that pass through without announcing themselves as miracles.

Christmas day-I sent facebook friends my thoughts, trying to start a new year being closer and reaching out more-I just so happened to send my oldest son a letter-he replied-look out the front door-he visited-which is one of the greatest gifts he could have given me. Full of Christmas joy and love for family, feeling like I have accomplished the most important essence of the holiday-Christmas day it snows-yes in Texas-it snows and sticks. My youngest and I drove across town surrounded by a winter wonderland-I was in awe-I felt like a little kid and didn’t even mind the snowballs in the back from my two kids-I call them kids but they are taller than I am, and I’m six two-okay would you believe six-okay five nine-but that’s another story and one of those amazing miracles of me starting to grow again and outgrow both my sons-I can aspire right? We had a wonderful dinner, enjoyed my brother and his family and got to walk in the snow with my nephew and youngest. I got to talk to a very special friend on the phone which always seems to make the season brighter, It was a perfect day and its perfection was not something I could have perfected or planned for-that is the miracle-peace that defies all understanding.

So my advice is to look for miracles, don’t stress waiting for them but be open to them and see them for what they are. Notice the sunset, the beauty of snow and silence of a stream bed in the winter-stop for a moment and realize miracles are all around us-we just need to notice them. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.